“Fear and anxiety can only live in a psychological state when God is absent. It can be a motivation for spiritual growth or mental collapse.” Dr. Vladimir Zelenko
When I was 17 years old, I was overcome by carbon monoxide poisoning to the point of unconsciousness. I had been with friends riding around one cold fall evening prior to stopping at Porky’s Drive-In for a bite to eat before going home. But by then, I was sound asleep sinking further and further into the blackness. I was told later that my friends had pounding headaches, but no one even thought of carbon monoxide.
I was dropped off first, but when my friends couldn’t wake me, they, in a brain fog manner, managed to get themselves to bang on my parents’ front door – waking my mother. Fear gripped my mother when she saw me limp and unconscious. Frantic, she called the police.
I was placed on the front seat of the police car with the window rolled down. With lights flashing and siren blaring, I was rushed to the hospital. Back then, the siren was mounted on the right front fender of the squad car. I was not aware of anything going on around me, except the darkness, and I was vaguely aware of a very distant-sounding, high-pitched noise. The siren. I struggled to concentrate on the faint sound, to go toward it, but everything was black. Yet, in my unconscious state, I knew if I could get to that sound, I would be okay. But the thick darkness swirled in.
The next thing I remember was waking up to bright lights and seeing the police, and a nurse. I tried to focus on where I was and what was going on. I had a plastic mask on that covered my nose and mouth. A nurse saw my confusion and simply said, “You were overcome with carbon monoxide, and you have an oxygen mask on.”
My head began to clear and I asked about Carol. The two policemen looked at each other. “Who’s Carol?” they asked.
I mumbled that Carol was one of my friends that had been with me. They jotted down her pertinent information and left.
I recovered quickly once my oxygen level rose and cleared out the carbon monoxide.
Not long after that incident, I began to have fear and anxiety. I can only describe it as an intense, fearful uneasiness of dying. I was only 17 – I had a compete recovery from the carbon monoxide, I was in good health, so why the fear of dying? This continued for the next 13 years.
When I was 30, Carol told me about her personal relationship with Jesus. I listened to her. I knew God was nudging me to respond to His calling. I believed and asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord.
Finally, 13 years after the caron monoxide incident, I understood the ‘why’ for the fear and anxiety of dying. Had I died, I would have been lost for all eternity. Lost in a thick darkness separated forever from my God and Creator. But, because Jesus is faithful, full of grace and mercy, and had paid the penalty for my sins, when I believed in Him, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I do die, I will be in heaven with my Savior forever. I am confident that Jesus protected me from death because He knew my future. And yes, my fear of death is gone.