At age 21, I met the love of my life, and five months later, Burt and I were married. We had our first daughter within our first year of marriage. After LaDawn was born, I experienced unexplained anxiety, dizziness, lack of concentration and focus, and my fears became phobias. My fear of death nearly incapacitated me. I struggled with trying to make sense out of something that made no sense whatsoever.
René was born a year and a half after LaDawn was born, and our family was made complete when Shelly was born almost three years later. All were healthy and brought us much joy, except I could not shed the mantle of the troublesome fear.
My fears expanded their territory in my mind – fearful of going anywhere, fearful of closed in places, fearful of wide open spaces, fearful in crowds, fearful of death, and all were accompanied by anxiety.
Burt worked in masonry construction and did very well financially, so I did not have the added stress of having to work outside our home. We had no mortgage or car payments, our family was healthy, we lacked nothing. Life was good except for my anxiety which I mostly kept to myself. We credited ourselves for our lot in life to working hard and being mindful of our spending. Looking back, I can see that it was the Lord who prospered us.
I did not learn the cause of my fears and anxiety until almost ten years after its onset. One doctor finally put a name to my ‘condition.’ Hypoglycemia – low blood sugar that is caused when the pancreas produces too much insulin. Somehow just having a name for the cause of my anxiety and fears eased my anxiety a little.
The next time I was called out of darkness happened when I was 30. My friend, Carol, (same Carol I was with in the carbon monoxide episode) said she wanted to share some news with me when I had time.
Six months later at a women’s bowling banquet, we sat down in the lobby of the bowling alley. I said that I told Burt I would be home around 11:00. We checked our watches – 10:00pm. She told me how she came to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I could see excitement in her eyes. All the while she shared how all that came about, I wondered, how does she – from a Catholic background – know more than I did. Afterall, I was the one who went to a Parochial grade school. But because we had been lifelong friends, I listened. Intently.
We both came from religious backgrounds, so when she talked about a personal relationship with Jesus, I perked up. We talked. I listened and asked questions, and she answered them.
I checked my watch – almost 11:00 o’clock. “I have to go,” I said. We said quick goodbyes and left. When I walked into my kitchen, the clock said midnight. I looked at my watch 11:00 o’clock. Just then the phone rang. It was Carol.
“Rita, what time does your kitchen clock say?” I told her midnight. “Mine too. What time does your watch say?” I told her 11:00. “So does mine.” I was in stunned awe. She was almost giddy with delight! She explained that the Lord finally got my attention.
Burt had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for me to come home. I woke him and said, “I think I’ve been involved in something spiritual.” He stared at me. “What does that mean?” he asked. I briefly explained the watches and the clocks timing and what Carol had shared with me. He was skeptical, though.
In the days following, I knew I had to do something with what Carol shared with me. For the next two weeks, Satan whispered in my ear that if I believed in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, He would send me to Africa to be a missionary. Each time, I would replay the words Carol spoke to me – words of Jesus, heaven, forgiveness, peace, joy, and eternal life. Peace without fear?
I became keenly aware of my sin. I prayed to receive Christ as my Savior right there in my living room. I knew the Lord had called me out of darkness. Spiritual darkness. In a relativley short time, the cloak of the fear of death was lifted. All my other anxieties dissipated as well. I had such indescribable peace and immense joy.
Recently, my daughter, Shelly, had been made aware of the chem trails but when she actually saw them is when they became a reality to her. On the same token, I had been made aware of Jesus, but when I actually came to know Him as my Lord and Savior is when He became a reality to me. I discovered that knowing about Jesus does not save anyone, but knowing Jesus does. Huge difference! The Bible came alive, and all the verses I memorized in grade school practially leaped off the pages – especially John 8:12, “Jesus spoke saying, ‘I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.'”
The words of Psalm 23 that my grandmother had taught me as a young girl came to mind, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul…” I have been set free!
I have been delivered from physical darkness and I have been delivered out of spiritual darkness. I had one more darkness in my future.
To be continued.