I recently read an article in Neuroscience News titled “Verbal Abuse in Childhood Rewires the Developing Brain.” Not my usual reading material, but this article caught my eye because I am a parent, a grandparent and a great grandparent and I care about children.
The article states, “Neuroscience research highlights how verbal abuse in childhood can alter brain development and increase the risk of mental health issues later in life. Children who are routinely shamed, threatened, or belittled by adults may develop a hyperactive threat system and a blunted reward response, making trust and emotional regulation more difficult in adulthood.”
Scientific lingo, I know. I would say it plainly, “Verbal abuse of children can increase the risk of mental health issues in adulthood.”
What exactly is verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is a broad term that encompasses yelling at or ordering a child to do this or that or to stop doing this or that followed by a threat if they didn’t obey. It is generally characterized by a sustained pattern of behavior where criticism, threats, or rejection of the child leads them to feel belittled, blamed, threatened, frightened or ridiculed.
Harsh words can wound, and when directed at children, can have a lifelong impact that can travel from generation to generation until the wrong-way-of-disciplining link is broken. Children of verbally abusive parents see everything in life as threatening when it comes from their parents- the very people who are supposed to be their safe haven, their shelter in a storm are the ones remapping the child’s brain for failure in adult relationships.
The conclusion: “Research has shown that when words are routinely used by the adults in children’s lives to humiliate, shame, or control them, they can negatively alter or remap the developing brain.
Verbal discipline is not discipline at all – it is misuse of parental power. It is verbal abuse.
This is what happens physically, but to discover a remedy for child abuse and still discipline a child, one must turn to the Bible. And that is exactly what Pastor Jared Carlson did in Sunday’s sermon. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he well not depart from it.”
I listened to Pastor Jared unpack this verse. “First of all” he said, “this verse is not a promise but a guiding principle.” Godly discipline narrows their capacity for folly and moves them toward godliness. Correct bad behavior with godly discipline. (Folly: a rejection of God’s way that often leads to a persistent pattern of wrong choices and actions.)
What exactly is godly discipline? Godly discipline is done out of love (not anger). Correcting wrong behavior, limiting folly, and instruction in the way of wisdom and discipline also means instruction in the way of the Lord. If a parent allows a child to have their own way, they will not depart from his foolishness. Children have a natural orientation toward selfishness. To do nothing is to do everything in the way of foolishness. If we are not the ones training our children, someone or something in the world will train them.
Keep in mind, the devil wants our children’s minds, and he wants our hearts. If there is no godliness in heart and mind, he has succeeded in causing chaos, destruction, and dysfunction in families.
“Children are not a distraction to a more important work – they are the most important work!” Pastor Jared Carlson
Here’s my take on this blog: Discipline without mercy is meaningless.
> Discipline without grace is useless.
> Discipline without love causes rebellion.
> Discipline done in anger is abuse.
Godly discipline is doing all we can to limit a
child’s capacity for folly by instructing them in
godly ways.
There’s a wrong way and a right way to discipline. The “wrong way” is punishment-focused. The “right way” is a positive approach that focuses on godly instruction to help them make right choices. Do not be discouraged – the art of discipline is a process that must start with prayer, a humble heart, and a willingness to learn how God disciplines us when we get out of line. He corrects us out of love for our good that changes our hearts – not our brains.